You may have wished at various times that you had some nice, good comebacks for a nosy person. You know, when someone asks you those intrusive money questions, like “How much did that cost you?” or “Oh, you’re going to Italy. Can you afford that?”
You do not need to answer anything you are not comfortable answering.
We know, however, that these situations can be awkward. You probably want to respond in a way that gets your message across but doesn’t lower yourself to the other person’s level of rudeness.
BRING IN THE EXPERTS: GOOD COMEBACKS FOR A NOSY PERSON
We decided to call up an etiquette expert to find out some polite ways to handle these situations.
Emily Post’s great-great grandson Daniel Post Senning tells FundsSavvy.com it all starts with a good etiquette foundation.
“If people were aware of and learning the lessons of traditional etiquette this wouldn’t be an issue,” he says.
That being said, it is more than likely we will encounter someone who does not have a good etiquette foundation. Let’s give them grace and maybe even a little humor to lighten the situation.
We also can take the current social climate into account. There have been big, positive pushes for salary transparency. Having an open dialogue about salary and other workplace topics has afforded many people, namely women, the ammunition and data to demand what they are worth.
However, there are questions about work or salary that are just plain rude.
For example, your cousin Claudia comes to visit. It’s a beautiful day. You decide to take Claudia out for a lovely afternoon on your new boat. As soon as she sees your new pride and joy she says something kind of clueless like, “Can you afford this?”
The truth is, it’s none of Claudia Clueless’ business. She may have burning questions about how you can afford a new boat on a teacher’s salary and it really isn’t up to you to tell her that you have been saving as a savvy investor for years for this.
In our responses, Senning says, “Don’t ever give up the high road. Don’t answer with rudeness.”
You are more than welcome to simply decline the question. You can say something like, “I’m really not comfortable talking about work.”
Senning tells FundsSavvy.com, “There’s a certain ruthlessness to holding on to that high road. It sets you up to conduct yourself fully. You can say nothing. It’s empowering to hold yourself accountable.”
OK, so maybe responding directly isn’t for you.
You can also respond with humor.
RESPONDING WITH HUMOR: GOOD COMEBACKS FOR A NOSY PERSON
Say old Claudia Clueless decides to take her rudeness one step further.
You introduce Claudia to your newly married friend Jane. Jane picks you and Claudia up in her shiny new car and – you guessed it – here comes Claudia again with her inappropriate questions.
“Is your husband rich?” Claudia asks Jane as you roll your eyes and wish to disappear into thin air.
Now, your pal Jane has seen it all. Claudia and her poor etiquette don’t phase her one bit.
Jane laughs and responds with, “What is rich these days? A million? A billion?”
Claudia doesn’t know what hit her and moves on.
Don’t worry, Claudia isn’t done yet.
After a nice lunch, you, Claudia and Jane go over to Jane’s friend Lauren’s house. (Kudos to Jane for giving Claudia another chance.)
Oh but then, WOMP, Claudia Clueless strikes again when you all walk into Lauren’s beautiful new condo.
“Who bought this condo for you?” Claudia asks Lauren.
Oh brother.
Lauren decides to take a different approach and doesn’t answer Claudia’s question. Lauren redirects the conversation and says, “Where do you live, Claudia?”
Claudia then goes on and on about her roommate and how she can’t stand her.
Oh, Claudia.
WHEN IT IS OK TO ASK PERSONAL QUESTIONS
Sometimes, people want to talk about their personal life, whether it is family, finances or any other topic.
Look for clear signals that someone is open to discuss a certain topic.
For example, if you are in someone’s office and they have photos of their children and also mention that they need to leave at 4 PM to pick up a child from soccer practice, it would appear they are opening the door to discuss family.
In this case, it is appropriate to continue the conversation and ask about their family.
Don’t attack Claudia for that one.
RESPONSES ROUNDUP: GOOD COMEBACKS FOR A NOSY PERSON
- POLITELY DECLINE: “I’m not comfortable talking about that.”
- USE HUMOR: Question: “Is your husband rich?” Answer: “What is rich these days? A million? A billion?”
- CHANGE THE SUBJECT
