What are your bridesmaid responsibilities?
So your friend/cousin/sister just asked you to be her bridesmaid. You may have mixed feelings of excitement and hesitation. I mean, how much is this thing going to cost?
You may be looking to buy your first home, save for a vacation, or have other financial goals you are working hard to achieve.
Bridesmaids play a significant role in supporting the bride before and during the wedding. Their responsibilities can vary based on cultural traditions, the bride’s preferences, and the specific wedding plans.
Emily Post’s great-great-granddaughter and co-president at the Emily Post Institute, Lizzie Post, tells us how you can ask what the actual dollars and cents are when it comes to wedding party participation.
Let’s first take a look at what may be expected of you.
Bridesmaid Responsibilities: Pre-Wedding Responsibilities
#1 Attend Pre-Wedding Events
Bridesmaids often participate in several pre-wedding events that help celebrate and prepare for the wedding. Here are the key pre-wedding events that bridesmaids may be involved in:
#2 Engagement Party
- Purpose: Celebrate the engagement of the couple.
- Bridesmaid Role: Attend the party to show support and celebrate with the couple. Occasionally, they might help plan or set up the event.
#3 Bridal Shower
- Purpose: Honor the bride with gifts and well-wishes.
- Bridesmaid Role: Help plan, organize, and host the shower. This can include sending invitations, decorating, and coordinating games or activities. They also attend the shower and assist the bride with gift opening and recording who gave each gift.
#4 Bachelorette Party
- Purpose: Celebrate the bride’s last days of being single with a fun, often more casual event.
- Bridesmaid Role: Plan and organize the party, which might involve coordinating travel, booking venues or activities, and ensuring the event aligns with the bride’s interests and preferences. They also attend and participate in the festivities.
#5 Dress Shopping and Fittings
- Purpose: Help the bride choose her wedding dress and ensure bridesmaid dresses fit properly.
- Bridesmaid Role: Accompany the bride to bridal salons for her dress selection and fittings. They also need to attend fittings for their own dresses.
#6 Rehearsal Dinner
- Purpose: Conduct a practice run of the wedding ceremony and enjoy a meal with close family and friends.
- Bridesmaid Role: Attend the rehearsal to understand their roles and responsibilities during the ceremony. They also participate in the dinner, which is an opportunity to relax and socialize with the bridal party and family.
#7 Wedding Planning Meetings
- Purpose: Discuss and finalize wedding details and logistics.
- Bridesmaid Role: Occasionally attend meetings to provide input on bridesmaid dresses, event themes, or other aspects where the bride seeks advice.
#8 DIY and Craft Sessions
- Purpose: Create decorations, favors, or other wedding-related crafts.
- Bridesmaid Role: Help with creating DIY wedding items. This can be a fun and collaborative way to prepare for the wedding.
#9 Beauty and Wellness Preparations
- Purpose: Ensure everyone looks and feels their best for the wedding.
- Bridesmaid Role: Participate in beauty treatments such as manicures, pedicures, facials, or spa days arranged by or for the bride.
#10 Pre-Wedding Brunch or Luncheon
- Purpose: Celebrate with the bridal party and sometimes close family members before the big day.
- Bridesmaid Role: Attend and enjoy the event, which is often a more relaxed and intimate gathering.
Bridesmaid Responsibilities: Wedding Day
Now for the big day!
On the wedding day, bridesmaids have several important responsibilities to ensure that everything runs smoothly and that the bride is well-supported. Here are some possible key wedding day responsibilities for bridesmaids:
#1 Getting Ready
- Arrive on Time: Be punctual and ready to start the day early, often several hours before the ceremony.
- Assist the Bride: Help the bride with her hair, makeup, and getting dressed. Provide emotional support and keep the mood light and positive.
- Stay Organized: Keep track of personal items and any essentials the bride might need throughout the day, such as her phone, makeup for touch-ups, and emergency kits.
#2 Pre-Ceremony Photos
- Be Photo-Ready: Ensure you are dressed and prepared for any pre-ceremony photos.
- Assist with the Bride’s Dress: Help with adjusting the bride’s dress, veil, and train for photos.
#3 Ceremony Duties
- Procession: Walk down the aisle as part of the wedding procession, either alone or paired with a groomsman.
- Stand at the Altar: Stand beside the bride during the ceremony, often in a designated spot.
- Hold Items: Hold the bride’s bouquet during parts of the ceremony or the groom’s ring if asked.
- Assist with the Dress: Help arrange the bride’s dress and train as needed, particularly when she moves or turns.
#4 Post-Ceremony Responsibilities
- Photo Sessions: Participate in post-ceremony photos with the bridal party and family.
- Reception Line: If there is a receiving line, greet and welcome guests alongside the bride and groom.
#5 Reception Duties
- Bridal Party Entrance: Participate in the grand entrance to the reception, usually introduced by the DJ or emcee.
- Speeches and Toasts: Give a toast or speech if asked by the bride. Often, this is the role of the maid of honor, but other bridesmaids might also be asked to speak.
- Encourage Dancing: Help get the party started by encouraging guests to dance and enjoy themselves.
- Assist Guests: Help direct guests to their seats, assist with questions, and generally ensure everyone is having a good time.
#6 Throughout the Day
- Support the Bride: Be available to assist the bride with anything she needs, whether it’s a touch-up of her makeup, adjusting her dress, or providing moral support.
- Handle Emergencies: Be prepared to address any minor issues that arise, such as wardrobe malfunctions or unexpected problems.
#7 End of the Day
- Collect Belongings: Help gather the bride’s personal items, gifts, and any other belongings that need to be transported.
- Assist with Cleanup: Depending on the arrangements, help with any cleanup tasks or ensure that all hired vendors complete their work.
#8 Coordinate with Vendors
- Liaison Role: Act as a point of contact for vendors if the bride or wedding planner needs assistance, ensuring everything runs according to schedule.
By fulfilling these responsibilities, bridesmaids help ensure the bride’s wedding day is as smooth, stress-free, and enjoyable as possible.
Post-Wedding Responsibilities
After the wedding, bridesmaids may still have a few responsibilities to help wrap up the celebrations and support the newlyweds. Here are the common post-wedding responsibilities for bridesmaids:
#1 Assist with Clean-Up
- Gather Belongings: Help collect the bride’s personal items, decorations, and any other belongings that need to be taken from the venue.
- Check for Left Items: Ensure nothing is left behind at the ceremony or reception site.
#2 Transport Items
- Gift Management: Assist in transporting gifts and cards to the designated location, whether it’s the couple’s home or another secure place.
- Decorations and Supplies: Help transport any decorations, flowers, or supplies that were brought to the venue.
#3 Return Rentals
- Dress and Accessories: Return any rented bridesmaid dresses, jewelry, or accessories to the rental shop if needed.
- Other Rentals: Assist in returning any other rented items, such as décor, linens, or equipment, if the bride or planner requests it.
#4 Participate in Post-Wedding Events
- Attend Post-Wedding Brunch: Join the couple and close family or friends for a post-wedding brunch or breakfast, if one is organized.
- Thank-You Events: Be present at any thank-you events or gatherings hosted by the couple.
#5 Support with Thank-You Notes
- Help Write and Send: Offer to help the bride write and send thank-you notes for gifts received at the wedding and any pre-wedding events.
#6 Provide Emotional Support
- Check-In with the Bride: Reach out to the bride after the wedding to offer congratulations again and provide emotional support as she transitions from the wedding planning phase to married life.
- Celebrate Memories: Share photos, memories, and moments from the wedding day to help the bride reminisce and cherish the experience.
#7 Share Photos and Videos
- Gather Media: Collect and share any photos or videos you took during the wedding events with the bride and other bridesmaids.
- Coordinate with Photographer: Help the bride get in touch with the photographer if additional photos or information is needed.
#8 Assist with Dress Preservation
- Dress Care: Offer to help the bride with preserving her wedding dress, whether that involves taking it to a professional cleaner or helping with initial care steps.
#9 Continued Friendship and Support
- Stay Connected: Continue to be a supportive friend to the bride as she adjusts to married life.
- Celebrate Anniversaries: Remember and celebrate important milestones, such as the couple’s first wedding anniversary.
By fulfilling these post-wedding responsibilities, bridesmaids help ensure a smooth transition from the wedding celebration to the couple’s new life together, maintaining the supportive role they played throughout the entire wedding process.
How Much Is This Going To Cost?
Woah. OK. Are you seeing dollar signs? All these responsibilities could include clothing and accessory purchases, travel, days off from work, among other costs.
How do we find out how much damage this will do to our wallets?
Bridesmaid Responsibilities: The Bride’s Role
As a bride, it can be best to lead the way in this conversation. If you are the bride, Post explains using language such as, “If you can participate, I would be so honored and grateful,” can ease the tension.
After asking, give your potential bridesmaid space to evaluate whether or not the opportunity works for whatever else he or she has going on in their lives.
Be clear about which bills are covered and which you expect your bridesmaids to pay for themselves. Provide approximate costs and time commitments.
Tell them to take their time.
Bridesmaid Responsibilities: You Are the Potential Bridesmaid
Perhaps the bride was not crystal clear. Give them some grace. A lot is happening.
When you are asked, Post suggests saying something like, “In spirit, I am honored. I need to check in on the logistics.”
Find out what the time and financial commitments are and make a decision that works best for you. Use language such as, “I want to get this right.”
What Now?
Being a bridesmaid is both an honor and a responsibility, requiring dedication, support, and a readiness to help make the bride’s wedding experience as joyful and stress-free as possible.
Getting the logistics out of the way up front can help make the surrounding festivities and the big day enjoyable and memorable.